I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
