I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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