The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
