If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
