im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
