Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So many bounce houses so little time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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