You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
