i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
