He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
