She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
