Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need moral support for this bender
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
