Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
