Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
only you would photoshop your dick
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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