Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
