you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
