I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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