Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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