I love black thongs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
