I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
