i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
