Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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