I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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