What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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