im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she told me i tasted like america
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
