I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i will never coherently bang her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
