Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
