just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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