i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
