So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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