The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
