i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
