I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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