He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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