If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
