my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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