I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can text with my tongue
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
