I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
