I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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