My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
