When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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