when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
