So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am midnight drunk by noon
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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