Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
