i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
