I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
