On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
