im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
