You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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