She is in my trunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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