your thong is hanging out like whoa
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
