he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
