You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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