he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
