I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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