we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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