her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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