so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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