I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the day after is always just damage control
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
