hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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