he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
