Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
