At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
