oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
