fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
