They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
