So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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